I guess you could call this a journal of sorts….a glimpse into my journey – a moment on the road. I have never really shared my writings before, but here, I will do my best to share those thoughts that fill my mind.
I have always cherished my thoughts and writings and guarded them with care. I guess I have always been afraid that someone would try to take them away from me. It sounds crazy, but that is the only way I know to describe what I feel. Maybe it is because, as a child, I was told that my feelings and opinions did not matter. Maybe it is the only thing I know of me. Maybe the only identity I have is in the words and pages I hold so very dear.
That’s an interesting thought…..
It is true that I feel more alive when I write. I feel connected to myself, and balance seems to come so much easier. Passion stirs within my heart, and I lose myself in my thoughts. Pen and paper are the only two things in this world that have ever allowed me to freely express the thoughts that run through my mind. They do not judge, nor do they say that my poetic thoughts are silly. Writing is the only thing that gives me a sense of worth. When I write, I feel as though I am eloquent and elegant (which is something I never feel I am). In writing, I do not feel the same awkwardness that comes with expressing myself aloud. The words just seem to flow. I have no fear that my words, feelings, or opinions will be rejected. There is no fear that someone else will take my words and make them their own. For in that moment, it feels as though they take away from me the person that I am.
Funny, I never really thought about that until now. Yet, there it is in peach and mauve…
It is a strange feeling to find something new. You wish to hold it for a moment and try to take it in, to turn it in the light and study each new facet as it sparkles in the light. You do not know what you should do next – hold it close and cherish the thought of having it, or run and show it to everyone you know. You know you should do something, but exactly what – you have not a clue. There is something to be said for quiet reflection, time to let it all sink in. Yet, to hold it quiet for too long is to lock it away and never allow others the benefit of it’s beauty.
I guess I must go and ponder this thought for a moment in order to let it all sink in. I must give it time to become a part of me. However, I must not hold it to myself for so long that I fear to share it with others.