I’ve been here before. I’ve felt these emotions, and I’ve fought to quell these fears. Yet, knowing I can overcome it just is not enough.
I went to sleep last night praying I would not dream of questions that are on my mind. Somehow, it seems it would be more terrifying to remember in a dream. I really do not want to travel down this path. I’m not even sure there is anything at the other end, yet the possibility of finding something terrifies me. I’m not sure why it still scares me so much. Haven’t I been dealing with flashbacks since I was fourteen? Shouldn’t I be prepared for that queasy feeling that everyone gets when approaching the dangerous unknown?
In my mind, the answer is, “No, Kylee. No matter how long you are on the path, this part of the journey will always feel the same.” Still, I keep wishing there was a different answer. I know I have the tools. I am strong. I have conquered the darkness many times before.
I guess, even though the memories are mine alone, I’m just a little afraid to do this on my own…