the voices in my head…

Close the door,
Shut out the world.
Ignore the phone –
Enter a space in time
That is mine alone.

Stillness, silence –
No one speaks.
I set the world apart
So I can learn to live,
And become myself again

No one understands
This ritual that I perform –
But this is where I go
To quiet the voices,
That live inside my head.

~ 2007 Kylee Jones

Over the years, I have learned to quiet the voices.  They speak in hushed tones, and most of the time, I don’t even know what they are saying anymore.  Yet there are times that the inner dialogue that I learned as a child runs so long that it drains me of my energy.

This dialogue is one that is familiar to most abused children. It is the one that constantly questions behaviors. It is meant to help us identify and modify behaviors that may increase the risk of danger in our lives.  As we get older, it becomes less useful and begins to cause worry and anxiety.

People who know me do not always understand that I need time away to recharge.  That time may be sitting alone for hours or going shopping or to the movies by myself.  The point is, whatever I do, I need time to be completely alone – no phone, no conversations.  It is only when I am able to achieve this aloneness that the voices are able to rest, and a peaceful harmony is restored.  Then, once more, I can rejoin the world in peace.

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